Sincere Empathy

Often the little things in life go unnoticed until we run out of them. How many breaths do we take in a day without knowing we are breathing? How many times does our heart rate pump faster with anticipation without our awareness. We roam in a world with little things that create big things. The rain drops and the bees. The protons and light waves of the sun that rises and sets. All little things but add up together to create world we call safe. Some more safe than others. 

For centuries and years and years we as humans lived in a world full of physical dangers. Many still do in a concerning degree given our economic, agricultural and social developments. But we still are often left with the scares that generations of past couldn’t stitch up either. From inner city violence to wars and extreme poverty. There are battles for safety in our own back yards as well as far across the globe. 

These are not examples to drown you in the feeing of despair. We are crushed most times feeling for even those that are close to us. This doesn’t make us bad. It makes us people in bad need of empathy. Empathy is the feeling that stops us from making another person day worse because we feel for that person. A messed up order at the coffee shop, or older person in your way or struggling with technology, are not reasons to blow a gasket. We see so many rants and raves on our personalized social media feeds. And in reality that five minutes didn’t kill you. That extra car link didn’t make the trip any shorter. 

It is gratifying to be first in line. It feels good to beat down the person that made your day inconvenient. I have been there. It takes time to see that these inconveniences do not matter but how we react does. These actions of beating a person down doesn’t fix anything. It’s a drug where the dependency results in a world void of caring for others. Caring for another isn’t a weakness and doesn’t involve me giving a bunch of something besides my genuine concern. Empathy isn’t like an apple. If I give one person empathy it doesn’t mean I am all out. Empathy feels like it is easy to use up only when it is not returned. But to not give empathy is not returning empathy to another person. Thus making Thea person to feel the same as you did. Someone has to stop the old cycle and start a new one.

We don’t need to give all of our money to charity to be empathetic. We also don’t need to kiss ass. The first step is to just have care in everyday interactions. When someone says “ have a nice day”, don’t be rude, simply say back” thanks you too”. When someone asks you how you are doing they are not asking for a play by play, just pass back good vibes, “ good, hope your day is going well”. These genuine directions of good energy help people. I have been on the side of getting it and giving it. A smile can move a room. 

An interaction at Walmart is what reminded me of this call for sincere empathy. I was leaving after getting my essentials and the person who stands by the door said to have a nice night. Where I responded with sincerity that I hope the same for him. Then he said “ thank you….I really approached that and needed it”. It made me wonder as I walked back to the car how many times he said to have nice day to blank responses. All day genuinely saying have a great day and giving service to be treated like less than human. For people to avoid eye contact because of some social media reel about being harassed. For people to walk past as though in a fuzz. To be socially stepped on like a piece of newspaper. We have lost our empathy and thus every interaction, from a simple have great day and politeness becomes a task. Empathy is not a task, it is an essential life function like breathing. 

These are the little things. The little interactions that we can and do have control over. We can get back to the simple As we have to. We think that our problems are solved by some sweeping action. Its not. I have been a very poor man, eating raviolis heated up by the manifold of my car, sleeping in tents on families land and in the front seat of my car in parking lots. In all that time not one problem was solved by a sweeping action. These problems, these solutions are solved by the little empathetic actions that empower people lot go on. It was the kindness in a dark world that reminded me to pull myself up, whip my face and move on. It wasn’t the cold blankness of a narcissistic rant on work ethic or kindness being some kind of weakness.  

The degree is gained  from taking multiple small classes. The retirement is saved one paycheck at a time. Peace, is made one iteration at a time. If we are not peaceful and empathetic with each other how can we elect and harvest the leaders that will solve the problems that require  empathy and leadership? As no middle ground or negotiation can happen without empathy. Those interactions that happen without empathy end up burning out. Let’s not burn ourselves up and instead build ourselves up to make life beyond today better.