Is it Really?

Is it really? Is it really just one thing? Is it really just one political party? Is it really just one person? Is it really one bad decision? Or is there more going on than just one? There are a lot of things we like to explain away in life as just one thing. We lose our job for one reason and say “ well the damn economy”. Like the economy is just one entity, either ran by the FED or the president. Pick one for today. The steak is under-seasoned, the day is too hot. All just one thing. But is it really? 

This all sounds in theory good when we’re mad about what is going wrong. That is until we solve that one reason, then there is another appears. We, including me, play a game of wack a mole trying to find the one size fits all.  

In this quest it’s hard to ask; is it really? Is it really my chronic illness or Familiy history that leads me to feeling stalled out in life? Is in my education or work experience that leaves me on endless interviews ? Well no. It’s really a combination of things together, that then take a combination of actions and resources to solve. When life gets better it tricks us into thinking the one thing we did solved the one thing and that means it was one reason. Sometimes we get the new job without addressing the cause until we find ourselves filling out applications again.

It’s never really one thing. It’s not one reason why I don’t own a house. This is what triggered my is it really question, in the first place. The idea in our society that coffees or subscription services, or one private equity firm, or a politician, or local laws, are the reason youth are having trouble buying a home succumbs to what I call the “ one size fits all fallacy or the Walmart effect” We are so used to going into Walmart and buying sizes that are one size that either fits all or most, like sweatpants and hats, that we pick out our problems like a beanie. We like to point to one cause over the other and say “ see”. So from the outside we may hear about our money decisions, and internally we think about the barriers we have to climbing the work force. 

So is coffee really the reason? What about the fact that 1 out of 5 new car payments and maintenance come to 1,000 a month or more? So are cars the reason? 

I don’t think so. Because then wouldn’t everyone who makes coffee from home and drives a beater have a new house? Like if drug addiction was the cause of homelessness. Then wouldn’t every person who needs help, have this deliberating dependency cured by some medication, pull everything together and move on? We all know that’s not how life works. But we turn away from this reality. We say if a person slips up on rent, it must be drugs or laziness or dumbness. Each time they slip it just proves a misconception. Like every time a youth doesn’t buy a house and still buys coffees or phones, then that’s the reason. We don’t hear about the youth who don’t have fancy phones and fix their own cars and work 50 hours and are addicted to nothing but still fall short. Thats more of a reality than a pill or a one size explanation that we use for one person and then spread across society like mustard gas in a war zone. Choking out any chance of human compassion and empathy for the struggles of others, one misguided step at a time.

Life is a combination. A combination of habits and connections. 

After I graduated college, I saw others with new cars so I went and got one. I saw others freely spending, so I got a credit card. I bought coffees, then I stopped and made them at home. I sold the car and started working on my own. This all didn’t create some magical door to home ownership. As owning a home and getting to that point takes a combination of things that many take for granted. Like what eastern philosophy  says about leadership. It says that leadership, true leadership, is felt when the people say “ we did it ourselves”. When in reality the leader created little nudges, influences and resources that empowered the person sustainably. 

Some can buy a house that needs some work, where others have inheritances or loans. Some buy used cars and learn they shouldn’t not use a screw driver or try to buy a used car. Its something I see all the time. From this weekend and taking part a fan blower inside the Honda. 

Where every screw was stripped from improper screwdriver use to the breaks that needed to be taken apart , cleaned and the broken parts replaced. To the thermostats that cools the engine, still a factory part after 20 years that needed to be replaced. A collection of parts that costs $600, but with labor would have been about $2,500. Which were all no surprise. Because I had the knowledge to know when I bought it that these parts were needed and that the risk was worth the reward. A situation that many end up buying car where it’s all risk and no reward. This doesn’t take me better or worse than another. It means I have my skills I can sue to save money and be sustainable where others have their ways. 

These savings don’t guarantee I or others will be a homeowner. There are things in my control like fixing my car to save money that not everyone can do or should do. They should also not feel bad about that. As they could buy a car on payments and use skills I don’t have to make money. Like in web design or in a side hustle like landscaping. There are many paths to home ownership. So when someone try’s to pin you down and say it’s one thing or the other, reply with “ is it really?”. As it usually is never just one thing. When someone try’s to explain away something as just one thing I always ask myself “is it really” to ensure I’m not missing something. From being a case manager and making sure your meeting clients needs to being a parent with a sick child. Always ask yourself, is it really when you are told its just one thing is your problem.