Fortune, being fortunate is something that each of us has our own unique way of defining. Some call it wealth. To a man who works his hands to the bones it’s finally being able to relax. Wealth is the time that once was occupied trying to keep up with bills and provide for family. To others its yachts and making it to the top of the Forbes 100 list or a penthouse that overlooks the ocean with a Bentley in the garage. For a blind man being able to see the glow in his wife’s eyes again.
With all the turmoil in the world I felt a wave to disconnect from gratitude for my own life. A disconnect from seeing my own fortunes in life spurred by these moments of pain. From the recent murder of Charles Kirk, to the ongoing war on women in children in this country, mass shootings, to inflation to the cost of eggs, the ideas of my own personal victimhood, solitude and self loathing set in like a fast moving virus. My time needed to be used to get back in the moment, a mindful moment to be precise. In nature, I find my peace. In my small New England town trains once soared through the hill and now the tracks that cut away the landscape are a series of intricate biking and hiking trials that run along breathtaking views of nature. From meandering rivers and ponds, to the great Maple trees and Oaks that are to change color soon. The squirrels nocking down acorns from the canopy above that they will most likely forget about in the chase. The chipmunks chasing the tails of other little chipmunks. There is the sound of nature with an eco of cars. Two worlds parallel to each other.
We say the rules separate from the animals I watched. No, it’s thought, it’s compassion, it’s seeing the bigger picture. It’s empathy for others in need the separates humans from animals. We can walk down a road and see animals and also see how we created the trail that these animals have adapted to now call home.
When we see people in need we justify lack of action. Animals do based on instinct we do based on social habits passed down to us from our culture and loved ones. I thought about our responses to hunger compared to my new furry friends roaming around me. We say “well they need to work harder” when we see a person in need. This goes against all the things that allowed us to build this life we now have. In the development of civilization, from cave days, to tribes to kingdoms and up, there is a theme. A social theme emerges. A creation of protection from hard times. This is done socially through a system made up those that can do things for those that can’t do things. The hunter hunts for those that can’t hunt in the tribe. The ones that can’t hunt do other things. Like gather fire wood. Imagine if instead the hunters said “ well sucks for you..you have to try harder” or “ all you did was gather sticks, I tracked game and that takes skill so you don’t get to eat” then they don’t collect the wood. We have one group eating raw meet, freezing and the others starving while warm. Both slowly ding of pride. We have traded our social survival skills with a zero sum mad dash to what resources are here that we can claw over another for and use that as justification for our efforts. We have denied the reality that the fittest help each other. The veteran officer mentors the rookie they are paired with. Those that play zero sum act as though if I give a piece of meat to you in exchange for fire and cloths, then that is ess for me.
Compassion and empathy for others is something we don’t have to hoard. We can help without“ taken advantage of” or being “weak”. I have helped many and have never been “ taken advantage of”. As kindness and compassion are only weak to the weak. Compassion and kindness isn’t something that can be taken advantage of. They are not things that can be used up or drained like a tank of gas. When I give you compassion and empathy that doesn’t mean I have less for others and myself. It actually means I have more. It is easy to love myself but to love another person that we cannot have control of is a true act of faith. As there is no guarantee of return and the expectation of return is not love, its manipulation.
True acts of kindness can’t be taken advantage of as they are not material, like money, and they are not conditionally based on anything, like having to give money to get love. That a. transaction. If you are nice to others thinking it will get you something then you are not being nice to others. That is using kindness as tool to manipulate and facilitate self interests. Thats like helping a person with a broken leg and then getting mad they just don’t walk it off to help you carry groceries.
If we are looking for ways to make life better we have to get back to the basics. We have to respect others. We have all the pride in the world and now it’s time for respect, decency and integrity. It’s time to say what we mean. It’s time to be better. We can all do it from our daily interactions.
I didn’t realize how fortunate I was. For most of my life I have been the “sickest person in the room”. As in I have a chronic health condition that cannot be cured. My Aorta will grow and grow until either it pops or I have an operation to correct it. A life changing procedure. Especially for a thirty year old and even more when I was an 11 year old learning of an uncertain medical journey ahead of me. This left mean a state of apathy coupled disconnection from gratitude. It is in the moments that we connect with others that we can also connect with empathy and compassion. Connecting with others gives us perspective on our on struggles. In the last week I purchased a pre used Honda off a seller on FaceBook marketplace. A place filled with people on their last leg, shooting to get a car to make it through or by selling off what they have t make it out of the month even.
I met a man who was in the perils of life. Loosing his sight and having to adjust to a life of a blind man who could once see and now was in a wheel chair and dependent on the compassion of others.
It was connecting with him, hearing his story as we talked over prices of the car that I understood how fortunate I am. It isn’t my bank account that makes it so. Or some lucky run at the pool table or string of beautiful women partners. It isn’t even good health that makes me fortunate. For me the fortune is in knowing what’s ahead, being prepared. Where this man was blindsided both literally and figuratively. I on the other hand know what to expect in the years ahead. Where comedian John Ritter didn’t know he had an Aorta problem and left this world too early because of it. I know ways to live a better life that can make it so I love longer, like not lifting things over 50 pounds. Fortunate to know and have supports around things my mother, aunts and grandfather couldn’t have known.
When we can realize we are fortunate for what we have in life then we can get back to having compassion for others. As we won’t feel attacked when we know we can build. If we are always fighting from zero, taking and giving, not creating spaces of appreciation and gratitude, we are disconnecting ourselves. Let’s reconnect with the way we have fortune, from health to our work to our families. To even knowing the battle we face. Anyone who has survived a great ordeal knows how powerful it is to be able to take your own survival in your hands.
I hope all are well this week and thank you for reading this belated blog post that was originally planned for the week of Sept 10th. Take sometime for your own mindful mile. Maybe its a walk in the woods like me, or a cup of coffee with an old friend or just sitting in the park. Take thirty minutes or a mile or so of walking to reconnect with gratitude and the blame we walk as humans creating while the world around us is surviving as usual.
Dylin Bates 
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